Misyar marriage cannot be legitimate Wednesday, 07 July 2010 01:47

A new marriage arrangement has recently come up, and it is one that our society has never seen before. Misyar marriage was non-existent in our traditional Arab and Islamic society. It appears to be a modernised version of slavery in the era of our forefathers, and a substitute for harems in the eras of the Umayyads and the Abbasids. Even those types of arrangements were denounced by Islam, which obliged public recognition of

marital affairs.

From the earliest teachings of Shariah law that my generation and I were exposed to in primary school, the conditions of marriage include the right of publicity, as stated by the Prophet (PBUH). The intention of publicising the marriage is not only to share the joy of the occasion with close friends and relatives, but also to officially announce the marriage contract to society. Moreover, the institution of marriage is not meant to be an element of secrecy or silence.

Therefore, misyar marriage is an illegitimate trend created by nothing more than a new reality. It allows men to exploit women under the guise of marriage if they are poor and in need of financial support. Thus, the only families that would agree to enter into misyar arrangements are the impoverished ones. Wealthier families with higher social standing would never accept misyar because it robs women of their most important possession — dignity. Women who accept this arrangement do not care about its consequences and impact

on society.

Some advocates for misyar argue that it is a marriage where the woman gives consent to a man to come and go as he pleases without requiring co-habitation, financial support, accommodation, or any other commitment. However, many of these things happen even during traditional marriages, so misyar isn’t a necessary precondition.

It is nothing new for financially capable women to not only contribute to family expenses, but completely support themselves and their children. This is true for first wives and not necessarily just the second ones. Sometimes women own their houses and bear the costs without hesitation. Such women do so in order to enhance their families’ lifestyles, without holding it against their husbands in case they have limited incomes. It is also common for second wives to understand their husband’s circumstances and not insist on routine co-habitation.

Since those conditions already exist in traditional marriages, it is unthinkable why anyone would resort to the mystery and secrecy of misyar marriage. It is absurd not to openly acknowledge marriage, and instead surrender to confidentiality and discretion.  If the point of misyar is only to escape from declaring marriage, then that premise invalidates the legitimacy of the arrangement. The real reason for a man to enter misyar is for fear of his real wife and mother of his children to discover his infidelity!

Does Islam really condone such a marriage? Of course not. Marriage is based on the intention of founding a family, and is created between a couple who give to one another their love and compassion. What we are witnessing with misyar is a not just violation of the sanctity of the institution of marriage but also the mutilation of it by deceiving society into believing in misyar’s legitimacy. It is not only illegitimate but, in fact, should be illegal as it falls short of all basic requirements of a valid marriage contract, and is merely nothing more than entertainment for

a few men.

Many men discount this view by claiming that they have not created misyar themselves, and that it is a permissible form of marriage. They say that for two reasons. First, selfishness in their attainment of pure self-interests, as they remove any liabilities toward the women involved in the arrangement. Second, fear of their wives and children discovering their secret search for pleasure under the cover of darkness. Again, as long as there is secrecy and stolen rights, misyar is an illegitimate marriage.

Supporters of misyar fail to address the fate of children that may be born within the arrangement. While the men involved will often want nothing to do with them, what about the women left to play the caretaking role, when the marriage is not made public. The fathers will most likely not be thrilled with the children’s existence, and will shy away, hide, and deny their legitimacy. Defenders of misyar also fail to tackle what a wife should do in case her husband dies; whether she should disclose the hidden relationship, or continue to hide under the cloaks of secrecy. It is unknown whether she would be entitled to any form of inheritance after enduring such a marriage, or whether the deceased husband’s family would delegitimise her existence and send her back into the shadows.

Any relationship wrapped in secrecy and darkness is tinged with imbalance. Misyar marriage is a twisted form of secrecy based on lies that threaten the sanctity of society. Social awareness to clarify the conditions and realities of such a “marriage” is absolutely vital, as it has the ability to distort the structure of society and undermine its stability. Deluding men into thinking that misyar is legitimate constitutes a threat to family life, encourages the violation of religion, and abuses all parties involved in the arrangement. Implicating women into such deception under the name of marriage is a crime.

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