His marriage is acceptable, but her's condemned Monday, 03 May 2010 19:38

There are some issues most crucial to the social lives of Qatari women, including marriage. Are women’s rights protected? Is there social equality between women’s rights and those of men?

It is common knowledge that men enjoy a special liberty as they can decide whom to marry, while women keep waiting for the proposal or arranged marriage, after which they may decide whether to accept or not. This process is accepted as the difference between men and women.

Therefore, there are several unmarried women, as well as divorcees and widows, with no chance of marrying or re-marrying. The primary reason is that there are less males in Qatar than females due to car accident fatalities, and the remainder of men are either deemed as unsuitable or are already married.

The solution isn’t for women to propose marriage to men, not that there is any shame in that. The solution is to revitalize the “marriage market” by changing the state of the traditional environment. Some traditions are merely customs established on fear stemming from past experiences. Inevitably, these must change with the modernization and development that has taken place since.

One of the solutions is to encourage other GCC citizens to marry Qatari women, without planting fear, anxiety, and  apprehension in Qatari women of the future of such a union, given that the two are compatible and responsible.

GCC families share the same tribal origins and social climate, and inter-marriage was common amongst Qatari men and GCC women since the ‘50s. So why shouldn’t the opposite also apply today, as Qatari women outnumber men?

Possibly one of the major anxieties working against this decision is children’s fate in case of divorce. Why wasn’t there any concern about children of Qatari men married to GCC women? Is it because a man possesses the exclusive custody of his children simply by being the father?

We find that society remains shackled to the fear of “losing” its Qatari daughters in a gamble such as this one but does not mind condemning them to a life without marriage. Society neglects that adapting to modern life is not only imperative for social progress but also economic growth. After all, our country is small, with a limited population. We wish for it to prosper at the hands of people who blend into society and the country, contributing to its vitality and growth.

A stable society is made up of healthy families but how can that be possible if half of the women in the country are either unmarried, divorced, or widowed? Or married but only on the exterior, while in reality, they lead separate lives lacking affection and mutual respect? Or robbed of experiencing motherhood? Or if the only means to display their beauty and femininity is by attending other women’s weddings, dressed in provocative clothing and dramatic cosmetics, to be admired by other women just like them? Ignoring women’s rights and desires is not the solution, as it is the breeding ground for psychological distress and insecurity.

Society must also address the discrepancies that make successful Qatari women who compete with and succeed alongside their male counterparts in the workplace undesirable. Qatari men are threatened by these women who are able to contribute equally to the couple’s mortgage payments and the children’s upbringing. This is the modern-day Wonder Woman, who despite her achievements, has no choice but to wait passively for a man to propose, regardless of whether she even finds this man suitable or not. Men, on the other hand, regardless of their accomplishments, are able to select their future wife without any hesitation.

In our society, marriage is the necessary means for women to live in harmony with society. Without marriage, a Qatari woman is ill-equipped to live her life, for society forces her to seek refuge under a man’s wing, if only by name. For she is not allowed to travel without a male guardian’s presence or permission, and remains dependent on relatives in sustaining her everyday life.

This is especially disheartening to ambitious women, whose careers require travel and social interaction, and may only be able to do so comfortably with a male’s support. The lucky few enjoy such support regardless of marriage, through understanding fathers or compassionate brothers.

For the greater social good, it is our responsibility to change the past misconceptions and pave the way for modernization through supporting Qatar’s daughters, sisters, wives, and mothers.

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