Coming to terms with realities of marriage Monday, 03 May 2010 19:59

Marriage enjoys an important role in Islamic faith; it’s a sign of stability for people’s lives, creating an ideal environment for intellectual growth and emotional development.  Marriage regulates a person’s life as a whole and determines its stages. With parenthood comes a set of novel experiences and a flood of emotions and obligations, the sheer magnitude of which calls for maturity and responsibility.

Unfortunately, however, the reality of marriage is somewhat hazy to people through the lenses of their mentalities, culture, and intentions.

In this case, it is common to attend a lavish wedding, costing millions funded by the bride and groom’s affluent families, only for the marriage to end in divorce after a few months. What follows is an exchange of accusations between the two families.

So what was this marriage, in reality?

An alliance of two affluent families of high social and economic standing who concentrate their combined efforts on hosting a lavish wedding party. They focus on elaborate decorations, renowned musicians, delectable foods, impressive invitations, all geared to impress and re-establish their socio-economic status.

Throughout all of the impeccable attention to delicate details and efforts directed to link the two families and to highlight their respective positions in society, much is overlooked. No one cares to assess the readiness of the bride and groom to take on a new life together, let alone their compatibility. After the wedding commotion, the reality sets in.

The modern-day couple is overcome with emptiness, feeling no responsibility toward their marriage because it was not they who vigorously sought after their matrimony, but their families. The young couple find themselves overcome with the desire to end their married life and return to the past because it is the most representative of who they are and what they truly desire.

That is when the fairytale ends, with the short marriage ending in a swift divorce, resulting in an emotional and financial loss of millions. The families of the bride and groom, the very people who planned the inception of the dazzling wedding, quickly take on opposing sides, with each party blaming the other in order to justify the failure of the marriage.

The idea of marriage amongst most young men and women is unclear and immature.

Girls dream of the wedding party, white dress, and decorations, believing that these represent the marriage itself. Little do they know how trivial such matters are within the grand scheme of married life, nor are they aware of the required levels of responsibility, discipline, and patience that are necessary in order to make sacrifices and concessions in marriage.

The focus of young women’s search for their dream man should not be about money, looks, or social class but of  morality, good character, and compassion.

The same applies to many young men who either rush into marriage themselves or succumb to the pressure of  their parents, thinking that marriage is about receiving congratulatory greetings fr om friends and acquaintances. They do not understand the magnitude of the responsibility associated with this and the other person to whom they will be betrothed. The little that these young men can surmise about marriage is only to restrict the lifestyle of their new brides. Setting rules for where and when she can travel, who to visit and when, wh ere to work, if she can work at all, what to wear, etc.

Unfortunately, these young men’s understanding of masculinity and chivalry toward their wives is to strip them of their freedom and confine their personalities. Of course, these marriages fail miserably, creating bitterness and resentment, which certainly impact the children who share the tense environment with their parents .

Many young women are in search of an opportunity to marry the “perfect” man of high social and economic standing. Most of these women fail in their search and are overcome with disappointment as no one is perfect, and so they don’t marry at all.

This is not to look down on single women, who create concrete goals for their lives, and expect the same from their partner. Some men become envious of the success of their wives, and resort to verbally attacking and ridiculing them in order to frustrate and break their resolve. When this does not succeed, the end of such a union is commonly heard of.

A successful marriage is not solely made up of a chemical composition based on age, social standing, education, culture, and economic levels. All of these factors may be present but a spark still missing, attraction or harmony.

The success of marriage depends on goodwill, sacrifices, and sincere intentions to move forward together. No marriage is perfect, nor can it be expected to be.

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